STAR TREK: FIRST CONTACT

I just saw the new Star Trek movie. Although I like Star Trek as much as the next guy, I have yet to dress like a Romulan, go to a hotel ballroom and argue furiously over whether Saurian Brandy can get you drunker than Jaegermeister. I wish I could get that excited about something, but I just can't. I also am a bigger fan of the old Star Trek than I am of the Next Generation gang. Maybe if Patrick Stewart put out a CD of him singing Mr. Tambourine Man, I'd change my mind. But I must say, First Contact is a great, great night out at the movies.

It's sort of odd why I like the things I like. I liked the fact that all their uniforms were gray. Call me nuts but I think uniforms should be uniform. All the other Star Treks looked like the NBC peacock had exploded on the bridge. I liked the fact that Worf is mean and abrasive with his coworkers. Klingons shouldn't have a heart of gold any more than the Lost in Space robot should run away to party at a space disco. I liked that the movie had a healthy dose of humor in it... which is one of the reasons I didn't like the Next Generation when it first came on. Just because you risk death every day and the universe is at stake doesn't mean you can't have a few chuckles. I liked very much that the overrated, untalented Whoopi Goldberg was absent. All you big Jumpin' Jack Flash and Eddie fans can email me on that one. And I like the Borg.

The Borg are Picard's old enemies who are part human flesh, part robotic machine... sort of like Al Gore. Why these baddies want to go back in time is beyond me... they'd never make it through airport metal detectors. But their goal is to stop humans from achieving warp drive, thereby hampering their development. That point is kind of moot because television's already done that. They are scary, formidable foes, and you can't unplug them or take out their batteries.

Weird Science

The key to this movie's success is action, lots and lots of action. While you still get plenty of cerebral messages from our enlightened pals of the future, you also get what you'd expect to get... ships, lasers, fistfights, and hot special effects like the Borg lady being lowered into her robot body. Now that's the kind of body only an android like Data could love.

Let's face it. Several of the Star Trek movies have really deserved the Vulcan neck pinch, but faithful Trekkers made excuses and gave them the benefit of the doubt. This is a movie any Star Trek fan is going to love, and any non-Star Trek fan you drag along with you will come out admitting they had a great time.

Jean-Luc Sent Me

By the way, one of the cerebral messages from Picard was that we have evolved past needing, wanting, or using money... that humans now thrive on expanding their knowledge and advancing humankind. So when you go up to the box office to buy your ticket, just tell them you don't need to pay because you're just there to advance humankind.

mike@smug.com

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